The time I gave a best man speech.

          This weekend was the wedding of one Ryan Graham. A friend and brother for over twenty two years now, has finally taken the plunge into a lifetime of being wrong. The only challenging part I found was in this situation was writing the ever daunting best man's speech. Should I be sentimental, entertaining, deliver a lesson on love, or just be reverent? I wrote the speech many times over, but each time the outcome was similar. I couldn't get around my disdain for society. The way we treat the only word to encompass such a day. We throw it around like an old dish towel. Thus leaving the only word we have void, dull, and overly useless. Before I dive into this anymore here's the final draft.

It’s nice to give this speech knowing I’m not the most nervous person in the room. The people who know me are indescribably terrified right now because they know I’m either going to say something profound, resonating, and philosophical. Or I’ll say the most arrogant and sarcastic things imaginable. I’ll try and give you the full experience.

 This speech was difficult to assemble for ample reasons but a couple had me more stressed than others. First I’ve known Ryan since he had hair, and yes that was a long, long time ago. Thus navigating a life’s worth of memories has been a daunting task. Secondly, this was difficult because I find society incessantly ignorant, infinitely appalling, and digressing in intellect by every fleeting second. Yet, the one aspect of life, which gives humanity hope for change, is why we are all gathered here today celebrating the birth of this transcendental covenant.

Love is amazing, profound, under utilized, and excessively misunderstood by many generations. If you ask Christians what love is, they will probably reverberate 1 Corinthians 13. If you asked an Indo European speaking individual they would laugh and ask which meaning of love to which you’re inquiring. The English language only contains a solitary word to attempt to encompass this boundless and transcending word. As a lit major, poet, husband, and father I find it embarrassing that we not only limit our affections to this word, but how the majority of society has come to view or define this true aspect of life. As we grow older we realize how truly rare it is to find love in its purest form. This wedding symbolizes the kind of love that no William Shakespeare, or Walt Whitman can define…because there’s no definition for the most ambiguous but fulfilling adventure of life. You both have found the oasis of happiness and love in this dessert pilgrimage we call life. Congratulations to the new couple, and thank you for letting me share this day with you.

So now that most of you had to get your dictionaries, let me explain a bit. I am completely annoyed with society in just about every way imaginable. I keep very few close friends just for that reason. (Moving On) Something that makes my heart throw up is the fact we only have one word to describe our ultimate affections and our most intimate moments in life. Yet they are used and abused by the time we're old enough to fully understand their definition or true meaning. The only way I could describe the event of love at this wedding is the four Greek words. Agape, the sacrificing love of the father giving us life to wake up day to day, or for those not so religious, the love from the cosmos to give us energy and life each day to see and breath in our surroundings. Phileo, the emotionally exuberant brotherly love or love for your friends. This is one of my favorite parts of weddings because family is a very important aspect of my life. To have family and friends gather together is becoming an endangered experience for most. The phrase "pencil me in your schedule" has taken over our society. Eros, I mean really? We're adults here I think we can connect the dots for that one. Finally storge, a nature family love. Once again I don't feel the need to connect the dots to why that one applies. The combination of all these aspects, of what we define as love, makes weddings one of the most special days. I hope by the time my daughter marries we learn to respect the importance, innocence, and fragile nature that is this event.

I don't find myself sad about weddings because of the intimacy, but because of how we treat the word that is supposed to encompass this covenant. For those who attended the wedding and didn't have a dictionary....I'm sorry....not really. I leave you with popular quotes from Jesus and Gandhi. 

"Love your neighbor as you love yourself." Mark 12:31

"Be the change you want to see in the world." M. Gandhi

Why Crows?

For those of you who wonder onto my page you will begin to question the name of my blog. Well in 08' I toured with a band called Scuba Team Go. (fun dudes) Danny had written a line for one of their songs, "crows on my back porch." I asked him time and time again what he meant and being the play it cool guy he was he would always say I dunno. Finally I caught him on a serious or off day and he said most people are facing things always coming at you knocking down your front door. So we run out the back door and there the crows are waiting because we've let what we wanted or dreamt to do behind and died inside.

Even if thats not what he meant thats what I'm going with. With my past couple of years I've had the crows waiting for me on my front porch just waiting for me to come outside. Trying to get me to fear what lies ahead. And I'm not ashamed to say for a while I was....terrified in all actuality. Yet, like anybody facing a fear you find inspiration and you overcome. For my music friends you will think its hilarious but I'm serious that the The Lone Rangers inspired me. Brendan Fraser starts talking about the grim reaper tattoo on his back shoulder to remind him of how fast life goes and he doesn't have time to sit around.

People view death as a horrible scary thing that they run out the back door to get away from. I find peace in embracing the time while I have it. Living life and enjoying it as long as I can. As long as you do the best you can everyday who can judge you. Live laugh and cry in one day and you have lived a good day is what Jimmy V. would say. Face life and embrace it!

My species

Thoughts on my mind....musical jargon and..well...fear. Why do we as a human race fear. Is it just because it's such an overpowering, and eager to take flight emotion? Can it be the symbolism of the grim reaper, or tombstone that send us cowering? Can it be the dark diction or moving picture of it all? I would like to express both things on my mind so I will travel through the fear of musicians.

Sadly my favorite thought about fear or death didn't come from FDR and doesn't apply to the wonderful mind of a musician. (All we have to fear is fear itself, for those not familiar) Also there are so many things to be taught about fear. Religion starts with the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and some religious places make you feel guilty or unclean just because you do fear. Athletics (well back in my day) taught us to use fear to motivate, overcome, and put it in our opponent. But thats not the road I want to travel for now.

For fear my mind always drifts to the quote from the movie Coach Carter by student Timo Cruz. "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us." This quote was first established by Marianne Williamson. A lady i revere for her wisdom just not her ideals. Yet that tid bit of inspiration hits like a hammer.

Musicians are a breed of their own, and as one I must say that this quote could be used to almost define the demeanor of us all. Some people see us as stuck up because we believe in ourselves so dang much. Others see us as a waste of time because there are musicians everywhere. So on behalf of my species let me just say...ugh! First off there are not a lot of musicians there are a lot of people who play. There are tons who play but real musicians breath music. Not the overdone kid panting trying to write music and all stressed out....blah. They have to play music to feel alive, to feel worth something, to feel like they unite in the cosmos of the world. We become stuck on ourselves because either- A.) We see something in ourselves that makes us fearful. B.) Nobody has ever told us to practice more and we think we are the best thing since sliced bread. P.S. not even other musicians like the latter!
Allow me to elaborate on the first. We see the world different than you other homosapiens. Kind of like Neo in the matrix. We can be beaten, cussed, spit on, and given the worst news possible but it only takes one note or one chord to bring us back to happiness. The dangerous thing for us is when we realize this and grow. We see endless amounts of every emotion and we strive to  breath it to life. 
I don't know about you and your "calling", or "profession", is in life but that last sentence is what causes us (musicians) to FEAR. Yeah getting on stage in front of people can be fearful, and the possibility of rejection can be terrifying. What we really fear is the rejection of how we connect with the cosmos. By that I mean the feelings that we bring in our music are from our deepest point and we want to have a relation or connect it with the listeners. The intimacy that comes with true music is not easy, and definitely not easy for us to open up and give out. Thus why you see so many musicians being extremely shy or not wanting to play for anybody but their friends. For myself I will never be shy for an accolade from a panel of judges but I will almost always fear the public.

My leaves of grass

Relation is the most powerful accent of the mind

Sensory and memory all scheme together.

Searching for an ear, searching for a word,

A pilgrimage from the mind to soul.

Calming and soothing the chaos into nirvana,

Where the surrounding cosmos of nature is community.

Leaving a singular ripple in the water, absolution.

A carbon footprint left, legacy for men once known.

Styles, parallels, paradigm shifts….

Lessons taught of relativity and universal connection,

Leaves of grass growing the next generation